I think LP’s naps may be a thing of the past.
“But she’s too young to give up her naps! She just turned 2! I thought I’d get at least another year!” I cry out.
Who to? I’m not sure. I don’t think anyone who can do anything about it is listening.
I’m not handling it very well.
It was not that long ago that she actually settled into a napping routine that was both fairly predictable and long enough for me to do things. A solid hour and a half to 2 hours on most days. This from a small one who has never been into sleeping. As an infant, she was the queen of the 20 minute nap. That was desperately hard, especially as I was pumping during naps so 20 minutes meant I often didn’t eat or nap or even really pump enough. Only recently, very recently, did she start to do anything even resembling sleeping through the night. That is the upside of no naps, I suppose, there is a definite improvement in nighttime sleeping. Clearly, the girl has a lot of living to do and doesn’t want to miss a moment. I do value her intensity…just wanting to find a snooze button for it in the middle of the day.
So the long, leisurely nap seems to be paradise lost. In the past 3 weeks, she has probably napped 5 times (and doesn’t include the day she fell asleep for 10 minutes in the ergo on the way home and woke up before we even got home).
She does have an hour (sometimes more) of “quiet time” every afternoon. “Quiet” is in quotes because it is anything but…my girl, she is verbal. She is actually doing pretty well at entertaining herself for that amount of time and my friend, Dana, pointed out that it does take more self-regulation to be on your own than to sleep.
I’d still prefer sleep.
I miss the quiet of the house. I felt like that was real time to myself, our home was so still and peaceful. I could attempt to do the thousand things clogging my “do-list” or relax decadently with coffee and the crossword puzzle or more decadently…spend the whole time doodling about online. In that quiet, I was recharging my batteries. I could think, dream and plan.
I’ve always been a quiet-natured person and feel like I’m the most myself all-around in life when I have time when I’m not bombarded by noise and information. The apartment we lived in previously was on a busy street (right at a bus stop…great for transit but it was an all night route), near a hospital and it took me such a long time to be able to not be unsettled by sound of traffic and sirens. Long walks in Golden Gate Park were my antidote…I think I’m in for a bout of relearning to let the background chatter (and non-serious calls for “mama”) fade into the background.
Why post about this here? Because I see how my frustration level and state of exhaustion is on the rise…and my improv skills stagnate in that internal environment. I find myself being less of the mom I hope to be…while I don’t expect to be playful and creative all the time, I am saddened when I have to work so hard to put aside the frustration to be playful for 10 minutes. I find myself behaving in ways I don’t like…and have had a few embarrassing public moments recently were I was aware that my reaction was out of proportion to LP’s action.
So I’m readjusting my expectations and figuring out what can I change that preserves my peace of mind and spirit and will meet LP’s changing need.
Or maybe she’ll start to nap again?
Or maybe not….because I could also get used to the quiet of the house within 15 minutes of putting her to bed, instead of the 2 hour marathons we used to have. Hmm….
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